The real reason why e-NATIS is not working
Some "wag" recently observed that South Africa is now ruled by a military junta and that the bloodless coup, which has been underway for some time, is led by a growing consortium of high-powered Generals.
One of the first Generals to step forward in the coup was "General Corruption".
Now highly decorated as a veteran of some notably successful campaigns, it is reliably believed that he owes much of his success to years of expert training under the personal guidance of heads of state while in exile in host countries such as Zambia and Zimbabwe.
Although a handful of his "lieutenants" in government and political circles have been sacrificed in the heat of battle during campaigns such as the Arms Deal and "Travelgate", he continues to command an enormous following in both the public and private sectors of the national economy.
Hard on the heels of the emergence of "General Corruption", "General Crime" is firmly established as one of the most powerful and feared members of the ruling junta.
"General Crime" has successfully launched literally hundreds of brigade and division-strength units into the field. Many of these units are under the command of members of his direct family with "Violent Crime" being particularly active.
"General Blackout" and "General Power Failure", although slightly more benign than "General Crime" in their command styles within the junta, are making their presence felt. Their campaigns have been so successful that they even have a nightly spot on national television in which they alert citizens to the potential of their "power".
"General Strike" has scored some notable victories over the years with the mission based on security guards featuring as one of the most devastating. "General Strike" is currently planning a national campaign among civil servants that promises to earn him a place in history.
"General Failure", distantly related to both "General Blackout" and "General Power Failure", appears to be a highly trained commando or "special forces" operative who works effectively for all departments throughout the ruling junta.
On a daily basis he does a superb job at thousands of traffic lights at the busiest inter-sections on roads throughout the country and seems destined for a medal based on the work he has done with the e-NATIS system.
"General Flop" is another of those "special forces" types. Responsible for wide-ranging missions on behalf of the junta, he was successfully deployed to the Carribean during the recent ICC World Cup to ensure that South African cricket was kept under command of the junta.
"General Flop" also seems to be hard at work with Ernie Els and Retief Goosen of late, although he did not fare that well during the Super 14 and failed miserably as far as the Bulls and the Sharks were concerned. Let’s hope he is confined to barracks during the forthcoming Rugby World Cup in France.
"General Confusion" plays a major role in the ruling junta through his influence on a wide variety of issues. For example, he served with distinction in helping to formulate the national health policy on HIV/Aids.
"General Shortage" also needs a mention in dispatches, after all he has scored some notable victories in areas such as the bubbles used to make fizzy drinks, LP gas, milk, petrol and skills.
Unlike leaders in the regime that has relinquished power to the junta, the Generals appear to have mastered the art of command and control – one of those fundamentals of good leadership that is taught at every military academy around the world.
The Generals have proved themselves unsurpassed when it comes to working together and coordinating campaigns.
For example, "General Corruption" is alleged to be a close ally of "General Crime" with unsubstantiated rumours of their power of collaboration permeating throughout the highest ranks of our police force. Also, "Generals Blackout, Power Failure and Strike" provide an ideal environment for "Generals Crime, Failure, Flop, Confusion and Shortage" to operate successfully.
And let’s not forget "General Exodus" – the commander who works so effectively with all his colleagues in the junta to help ensure that citizens of every colour do not counter the work of "General Shortage" and his assault on skills.
While the South African junta is believed to be a long way off from electing a life-long supreme commander, reliable sources confirm that they are consulting with Robert Mugabe on how to persuade "General Chaos" to take control.
If this explanation does not help promote an understanding of exactly why e-NATIS, or any other government-owned IT system in the country for that matter, is not performing exactly to spec, then nothing will.
– David Bryant